Ordeal by Shopping

As the rest of the world (or at least it seems that way) heads toward downtown Atlanta and DragonCon, I’m getting ready for the Decatur Book Festival. Now this is the South so it’s going to be HOT this weekend (with a chance of showers, of course). This presents a problem.
I don’t own a pair of shorts. I usually wear black tops and black yoga pants most of the whole year unless I’m at some special function. Let’s see… black clothes + heat + sun = STUPID. So I went in search of a sundress today. How hard can that be?
Apparently harder than I anticipated because it’s almost Labor Day and the stores are already stocking for Fall/Autumn. Now add in the fact that I was hot, cranky because I was *way* tired for some reason, and hungry, and the search played out like this:
Catherines — no dice
Plato’s Closet (secondhand clothing place) – nothing except in Size Dinky
Marshalls – nope
T.J. Maxx – dinky dresses with spaghetti straps which aren’t an option for someone of my “build”
The Avenue — YES
Then comes the checkout gauntlet:
Clerk: “Do you want an Avenue credit card? You’ll get 30% off your highest price item.” (Highest item is $29.95)
Me: “No, thank you.”
C: “But you’ll get coupons!”
Me: “No… thank you.”
C: “But… coupons!”
Me: “The last thing I need is another credit card.”
So she gives up on that and wants my personal info to put into their system so I can get emails and (wait for it) COUPONS.
Me: “No, don’t want that. Get too much e-mail as it is.”
C: “Are you sure?” (giving me a look like I must be an alien from another planet)
Me: “Definitely.”
“Would you like to sign up to receive our magazine?”
I resisted the temptation to say, “Which of the following multiple choice answers seems right to you?”
A) No
B) No
C) Hell no
The poor soul actually had to ask the other clerk how to override the system to turn off the “Let’s spam this customer for life” setting.
Finally I was out of there, still hot, tired and cranky. But I had TWO dresses!!! After lunch and a nap I was civil again. Only my good breeding (and remembering my Iowa manners) kept me from being too mouthy.
And now you know why I don’t go shopping very often.

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